but i still love you.....

Tonight, i was crying again looking out the window so my family would'nt know.... what happened to you when i needed you? I did all i could to be there for you, I bled my heart out to make sure you're ok and you just leave me there hanging when i needed just a simple i love you? a simple lie telling me i'll b ok? is that very hard for you to say? you work and get tired and forget about me? Do you know what i do everyday? i wake up thinking and ponder upon how to make it through this day trying to make you happy trying to go to sleep nights and nights i have shit to face everyday but it doesn't stop me from thinking and thinking of you ..i see your pain i care about you but you surely know nothing! about my pain you don't even look at my wounds you inflicted everything i do i dissapoint you that what about everything you do? do you think of me? hmm? you don't get it ....i'm not the only one for you but you're the only one for me...do you know how much it hurts?
Do you know why i'm so different..because of you..you destroyed dawn and guess what maybe it is hard loving me because it's harder loving you. you wouldn't let me walk away

THE
THREE
LOVES.

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy;love does not parade itself. is not puffed up.does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things. endure all things. 1 corinthians 13:4-8.

LOVE NEVER FAILS

If i could see you everyday
If i was not me
If i was more gifted
If i could sit next to you in your school and people will think its sweet
If i could be all laid back and not get hurt loving you
If i am not sensitive when it comes to you
If we don't fall so many times
If i can believe again
If i can be taller
If IF IF IF IF....

will you love me more? is "if" your love for me? if only im not me?

I Dont want you to love me Just BECAUSE

Because i walked all the way to you when you needed me, to see you though it's just for a day
Because i tried so hard to change myself for you.
Because i try to learn as many talents and skills to be worthy
Because others boast and show their love but doesnt mean i don't LOVE you more than "show"
Because im trying vry hard and getting tired to not get affected by you, but i cant because i love u
Because i cant hesitate when it comes to you
Because i let you fall on me
Because i never stopped believing in you
Because i don't accept the fact what people tell me.
BECAUSE BECAUSE BECAUSE... because i love you...

ANYHOW

eventhough you dont see the things i did and wil do for you, i will always do them
eventhough you dont know i love you more than me, i do
eventhough you never thought of it, i always do my best for you
eventhough you don't know, i AM always there for you
eventhough you continue breaking my heart, i love you
eventhough it's not me, everything you are matters to me
eventhough we fight so many times i forget them for you
eventhough you dont sometimes, i believe in you
eventhough im me, i will change FOR you.

ANYHOW, WHATEVER, WHEVER I LOVE YOU
for who you are, and are not. For what is you strength and for what are you weaknesses i love you 100%

Injuries to Infections.

i don't understand why i'm writting this, i just can't keep it anymore...waiting another second and second for you to see? i use to think you see everything before this, u did, u saw what nobody bothered looking . Ur so special to me if u didnt know. this leg injuriry and infection it's because i walked and stood all the way for you.

8 things I'm passionate about:

1. God.

2. love

.3. my believes

.4. justice

.5. Music

.6. people

7. fairy tales(yes i believe in them)

8. love stories

8 things I say too often:

1. im hot

.2. WTH?!

.3. i laught too much does tht count?

4. shit happens

.5. stupid!

.6. this is life haiz

7. Omg.

8. whats your problem!

8 things that I've read recently:

1. smses.

2. music notes

3. The Bible

4. poems

.5. love stories

.6. SAT books uhhhh T^T

7.diary

8. people's minds nah im jz joking

8 songs I could listen over and over again:

1. yu jian by sun yan zi

.2. cha jian er guo by lee sheng jie

.3. heartbreaker by will i am and forgt who

.4. faint by linkin park

.5. I dont wanna noe by mario and p diddy

.6. Over You - Chris Daughtry.

7. victims of love by G Charlotte.8. christian songs

8 things I've learned last year:

1. Not everything lasts forever

2.Friends are NOT your life

.3. TO put god FIRST

.4.miracle happens

.5. hearts dn stay broken =)

.6. not to get jealous easily

.7. love is not dumb

.8. I'm nt alone ^^

I TAG EVERYONE SO TAKE YOUR TIME HEHEHE

HOLIDAYS

wow... yeah this word used to sound music to my ears but not now it's like a curse ,i almost wish i was deaf so i would not hear this word. yay it's holidays but not exactly for me >=( i'll be stuck at home with NO MOOD to go out at all and i might not get to meet grape after working so damn hard and waited with every patience i force into my body..just great man how fair. I hope i find a job at least i'll survive my unfair teenage life trough maybe..argh i need to see you! it's like i'm living but i cant feel my heart beating haih distances...parents! IM SO HAPPY I GET TO LEARN DRIVING after my bday! GOODBYE boredoom! when i have enough money to live on my own n get my place i'll start being not SO bored arse-out gosh my happy ending with you ahahhaa.

LOOK im really sorry if im too sensitive sometimes, but im feeling all of these because i love you . I don't want to test your patience i never ever had the intention of hurting you. All i know that is so clear is that i love you, not like anyone before , not like anything before. Maybe that's the reason why i must response , i must care so much because it's you..not anyone else...why i get hurt faster , easier because my heart cripples on the fear of that we cant be the same again that i cant tell you how much i love you again. I have lose SO much losing you will be like going through all that because i love you. I'm not sure what time is this that i have written i love you...i love you. You allow me too feel so many things ive never felt before..you taught my heart to really love to trust and to beat. Without you, i would be a human shell with a heart that im not sure whether will beat again. I never thought i could ever feel such pain but yet such happiness. Love is confusing theres not enough words to describe it... im trying so hard to keep it. desire. it is so strong mayb because i nvr wanted more than you. I didn't mean to hurt you so much to piss you off and now it's so easy to argue .I didnt want it to be like this ...like now im afraid to open to u..ur the human i can always open too bt im afraid i hurt you..theres so many things i want to tel you..so many tears i cried for you..your the best miracle that has ever happened to me...losing you is taking everything from me i miss you..i miss the times when we call each other darlings..i miss thinking of u everytime..i miss smiling lyk a dork in school wen i receive ur sms ..i miss waki ng evrey morning n u being the 1st to wish me...i miss chating with u wen im bored and sudenly nothing seems bored..i miss wen u came up to me ..i miss ur beautiful smile i miss the emotions i feel beacause of you...i miss being perasan with you i miss braging and thinking im hot beacuse of u..i miss having someone i miss laughing everytime ppl tel me of the show shutter..i miss R20...i misss the time in the van i miss the time wen your in my room..i miss kissing the ber you gave me.... i can nvr do this with someone else..i cn nvr find another you


OHHH GOD... i really miss u!!!!!!! i mIssss uuuuuu

because of this i dnt miss the laid back me..i dont miss the i dont care me, i dont miss the past me... i miss u nvr in my life..i would ever say this to any1..bt u...